Oh hello there. Apologies all around for not staying in touch more frequently. The demands of my profession supersedes my writing and apparently my dating life. In sum, I’ve been working.
Let’s tie up a few loose ends:
2 was our dear Austrailian friend and the first howaboutwe date that I entertained. Twenty-four, tall, blonde hair, and blue eyes; traditionally this combination is not my type. However, I decided to give it a shot. The day before my Puerto Rico vacation we met at the Butchershop, a great little spot in Miami that is good for casual drink with friends in the Wynwood district. We had about two drinks and some dry conversation about some travels and movies. Quite frankly in the end, no matter how charming he could pronunicate the words that fell out of his mouth, I didn’t care much for what he had to say. #ontothenextone
I said my lovely farewell to 3 in this raw post: A Stumble in the Series; 3
All loose ends are tied. Now for some fresh meat..
Let me introduce 4.
Well educated, read, and ambitious. This kid has been around for awhile, but we never did much about anything. Most of the time we’ll get lost in conversations about the world, it’s issues, and then propose solutions about what should be done. Hell, he should be my business partner. But hey, in the midst of our clear platonic strengths the idea of "oh maybe we should try something?" slipped in there. I mean in dating, you essentially just want to be with your best friend right?
Right. So, on a dateless sunday night in my worst sweats and messy bun while on a binge of watching House of Cards with this fool, we went for the cuddle. dun dun dun. And then we proceeded to cuddle every single night of the week thereinafter for the entire week. FYI, cuddle is not some code word for sex. Nope. We just skipped the flirations, dates, engagement, and marriage. We skipped to our 30th anniversary and did work together and passed out in the same bed with all the “good nights” and “good mornings” with a side of “See you after work!” mentioned in our hum drum of work ethic.
Until Thursday Night.
This one night where there was a peak in tension that almost led to the 3 letter S word. And then it didn’t.
Before I go into this, in his defense, he was a bit drunk and subsequently handsy and so was I. And when it came down to it, if we went there with all of our ambitions we’d be risking our friendship. A fact he brought up in the ultimate last minute possible upon almost leading making the 3 letter S word into a verb. Which of course made me the bro who was like “ugh, no sex…so sad .” And as it goes with grief after denial comes anger…. “Where did you presume all of this was heading?” I inquired with a demanding tone.
"Well I expected you to keep your guard like you usually do, I never expected you to eventually give in."
Ugh, the wall I built and the armour I wear so well was taken for granted. Little do people know I have seceret passages for visitors in the night, that I do in fact “give in.” I wasn’t pleased that I was the one expected to hold my position as the moral guidance. I wanted to be foolish too. There was no real continuation of conversation afterwards. I attempted but at that point sleep had taken over. I slept on my couch that night. I couldn’t lay there and pretend to be intimate if I didn’t even know if it were to lead anywhere else. No, I just can’t cuddle with you because you want a body to be next to. I need those actions to be an investment of some sort. Actions without purpose are the bane of my existence. Purpose drives actions. And I didn’t undertstand the purpose of cuddeling if there was nothing heading full steam ahead.
I tossed and turned that night a bit upset at the lack of clarity and conversation that never happened after such a strong build of actions. There is no exaggeration to say that nothing was said to resolve or clarify where anything was going. Leaving me pretty pissed off and resolved that friendship was the only level we could have.
He arrives at my home completely drunk. Drunk enough that the only thing I could do is laugh at his ass even if we weren’t resolved. I put him to bed and continued to watch my house of cards (Season two is insane, please watch if you haven’t). Woke up in the morning to a very lost boy. Poor thing didn’t even realize where he was and that I was still a little pissed. Quite the hangover surprise eh? hah
It was an easy conversation to have, I told you, we’ve been friends for quite some time. With friends, it’s easy to just go to the rough patch and smooth it out. Without skipping a beat we did just that. A friendship was the resolved solution. With relationships sometimes there are better fits for friends than romances, no matter how easy it seems. And that’s what happened. I tried for a hot minute to date a friend and we’re still friends for now I suppose.
Did we go back to our married life? Some nights we did. Some nights we did another work load and banter into our sleep. However, we never returned to the intimacy. It was more of a mutalism of a symbiotic relationship. Dare I say a political couple vibe (wathcing too much House of Cards, if only I had Claire Underwoods wardrobe).
I won’t blantly lie and say it wouldn’t be comfortable and easy to slip into a relationship with him. However, if we’re being real, that’s not what I want. It shouldn’t just be comfortable, it should be exicting and flirtatious. It should be glances and dancing. It should be stolen kisses and blanket forts. Who knows maybe that potential is there in the underbelly of our friendship. For now that beast is sleeping.